Meet the Minnesota Roller Girls!
by Judd Rigorotti
While the rest of us have been nursing our holiday hangovers or staying inside from the cold, the Minnesota RollerGirls have been preparing. They've been pushing themselves harder, giving themselves new challenges, hitting the gym and hitting the track. The new year brings new chances for glory, but the roller derby league waits for no one.
These bold Bombshells are here to eliminate the derby waste with a wink and a hip-check. Be warned: watching them is known to be hazardous to your health. Your fuse is about to get lit. It's the Atomic Bombshells!
There once was a team of Irish Police, Who'd shillelagh your brains to keep the peace. When push comes to roll, They'll exact their toll, And knock the wheels right off your feets. This is your final warning. It's the Garda Belts!
Forged in the searing pink fires of the most adorable level of hell, these candy-coated bringers of pain will first lull you into a false sense of warm & fuzzy security, then cut you with cuteness. Playtime is over. It's the Dagger Dolls
Fueled by an intergalactic-sized rage for all things slow, these faster-than-light skaters will home in on your heat signal and run you off the track before you know what hit you. You can't prepare for this launch. It's the Rockits!